don't blame yourself, cause this is how the world became

don't blame yourself, cause this is how the world became

TRUST YOUR SELF

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I fell in love with a Salon commenter

I FELL IN LOVE

A photo of the author.

Read about me 

“I do not know you, but I love you,” I typed. I stared at the words, momentarily letting them linger, then pressed “send.” The recipient of my confession lived thousands of miles away. We had no connection to one another aside from two pieces of writing: one article that I wrote and one comment that he left.

A few weeks earlier, I had written a story for Salon about leaving the United States because of the encounters I had with racism and my ultimate disillusionment with the “American Dream.” I described myself as a black, 23-year-old woman, and a portrait of me with wild curly hair accompanied the text. Hundreds of comments posted to my story. Only one caught my eye.

“It is revealing that a person in the author’s position must first validate her existence before her experience can be deemed relevant to the human condition,” it began. I hesitated before continuing. I had skimmed through so many comments at that point, most of which existed in a world of right or wrong. Never from a place of understanding. I wondered who this person could be who saw me as, above all, a human being.

“Please contact me on some kind of social media,” I asked the unknown writer. Soon after, I found a message in my inbox on Facebook from a Josh Mcc. He introduced himself with a brief, simple paragraph. His profile picture was of a blue, alto-cumulus-cloud-filled sky. I sat with it for a moment, trying to build the courage to say what I felt. I was in love with a stranger in the clouds.

Our relationship started slowly. We exchanged messages about our dreams, goals, passions and pasts. He told me he was an animator by trade, but he wrote because he felt it was the only way he could express himself. I told him about my new life outside of the busy one I left behind in New York City. We traded our old writings and shared new ones inspired by one another: each a tiny snippet of ourselves, cut out along imaginary lines, folded up digitally, and delivered thousands of miles by cables and satellites.

One day, a tiny photo of a smiling young man popped up beside one of his messages. I clicked it frantically, wanting to finally meet this stranger with my eyes. It was blurry and small; a picture of him smiling heartily with dimpled cheeks and caramel skin. I stared at the photo, my heart and mind racing at the sight of his face. Is this really him? Does he have any more pictures? He is really cute. Am I crazy?

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What i Think About Love, Get Marriage

Love is Bullshit

I do not believe in love. Why you may ask? I'll tell you why.

Love is insanity. It will make you do things a normal person would not. Love will make you drain a retirement account and give it to a woman to redo her home. Then, it leaves you with bitterness as she promptly dumps you when the 401(k) has been tapped. 

Love will make a battered woman return to her husband time and time again even though he has beaten her so bad that he has ruptured both her eardrums.

Love will also make you step all over a good thing, viz. Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind. All I can say is that Scarlett had shit for brains when it came to ol' Rhett.

I must also admit that I have been in love, and I have been just as stupid as these folks. Throw in the terrible pain, and I can tell you that I never ever want to be in love ever again. I hate it.

Love is bullshit. It lies. It tells you that your beloved is better than all the others in the world. And nothing is more tragic than when love is not returned but exploited. I have seen with my own eyes heartless men and women who think nothing of taking advantage of someone in this awful state. 

When you come out of love, you see how stupid you were. You realize the flaws in the person that you loved, and there was no way they could ever be what you expected them to be. And if you been fucked over pretty hard, you will see how utterly complicit you were in the exploitation. 

What is my advice? Don't ever fall in love. If you find yourself getting into this situation, get out of it as quickly as you can. Save yourself the pain. 9 times out of 10, it won't be worth it.

Some of you folks will decry my cynicism on this. You will cite examples of great love. Well, here's a great example of love--Paul and Linda McCartney. That is a true and inspiring story of love there. Now, fast forward to Paul and Heather McCartney. I know way more Paul and Heathers than Paul and Lindas. I bet you do, too. 

When love ends, there is a lot of anger. There is a feeling of betrayal. Sometimes this is warranted. Other times it isn't. This is when love turns destructive and violent. This is when cars get stolen and rammed through the front of a store. (Those who know me will have a good laugh about this.) But this anger comes from a shattered fantasy. So, let me help you out if you are coming out of love. You will be happy again. 

I do not believe in love, but I do believe in happiness. You can't find that happiness in another person. It's really unfair to think otherwise. I know I can't make anyone's dreams come true, and they certainly can't do that for me. But I can pursue my own dreams and do my own thing. This is where I have found happiness. 

I believe that love and happiness are incompatible. To this day, I have felt more positive emotions regarding one night stands than I have any relationship I have been in. Sex without love is a wonderful thing. Don't let anyone tell you any differently.

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